Saturday, February 28, 2009

Good times in Pennsyltucky.....

I have something like 30 or 35 friends on Facebook....I know most of these folks in one way or the other, but a few of them-I have no idea who the hell they are. You can never have too many friends....even if you don't know who they all are.

Dear Lord, I love working on Friday night right about when the bars close... last night some guy wearing every piece of Dale Earnhardt clothing ever made came in to buy some donuts to soak up the 20 beers he just had at the bar.

Me being the asshole I am.... I asked him how Dale was doing in the points this year. The dude shot me a look like I just shot his dog.

Custmer- "Buddy....Dale hit the walllllll....he's daid.

Me- "Wow, I guess he ain't doin' to good then, huh?

The guy just shakes his head in a mixture of disbelief and disgust....my work is done.

till later.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

639 dozen faschnachts later.......

I will be so glad when this week is over with... I have 9 days of vacation to look forward to. You'd think that after Fat Tuesday was over with and Lent began we would be selling less donuts.

Nope.

I had an large order of donuts on Ash Wednesday at 4 AM and unlike the beginning of the week where I had plenty of extra help-I was all alone. Damn near killed me but I got the entire order done with about 5 minutes to spare.

I kinda forgot it was Ash Wednesday last night until I had a customer order a cake last night and she had a large black smudge on her forehead.

I'm gonna burn in hell, but I couldn't stop looking at it because it combined with her makeup and was sorta smudged off to one side of her face. I get the whole ash thing but damn...look in a mirror once and awhile.

I totally and I mean totally cooked my knees working out on the elliptical trainer at the gym last week....gonna be sticking to my wife's Bowflex for a few days. Not as hard as a workout but I gotta get my endorphins somehow. Not sure why I like it so much for as much pain as it's causing me. I did a classic beginner move-too much too soon.....that'll teach me.

Here's a diet shocker....eat less calories and exercise-you'll lose weight.

14 kids might be sorta hard to care of? Nah.

More Wall Street guys are crooks? Wow, that's really hard to believe, huh?

I live in South Central Pennsyltucky.....if this situation goes to seed-I'll have beachfront property.

Nope....it's not up here.

till later.

Monday, February 23, 2009

How the stimulus is gonna work......

This would be funnier if it wasn't true......
3 contractors are bidding on a job to repair a broken fence at the Whitehouse.

One is from Minnesota,,one is from Tennessee and one is from Chicago.

All 3 go with a Whitehouse official to look at the broken fence.


After doing some measuring, the Minnesota contractor tells the whitehouse official, he can fix the fence for $900...$400 for materials, $400 for labor and $100 in profit.


The Tennessee contractor does some measuring and pencils some numbers on a piece of paper, and tells the official that he can fix the fence for $700...$300 for material, $300 for labor and a profit of $100.


Without measuring or even bothering to look at the job, the Chicago contractor tells the official, "I'll fix your fence for $2,700."


Surprised, the white house official asks how he came up with his quote without even looking at the job.


"Oh, that's easy. A $1,000 for you, a $1,000 for me and we hire the low bidder from Tennessee to fix the fence."


"Done deal," said the white house official.


And now you know exactly how the new stimulus package is going to work.


Gotta thank Jim for sending that one in.....

People are sheep......

I would have to include myself in the above statement.....

For some reason, I keep going back to Circuit City every weekend to see if I can find any bargains. At this point, the store looks like it's been ransacked... so with the exception of a few overpriced PC's and big screen TV's...the place is pretty much empty.

I'm not sure why people fall for it, but 30 or 40 percent off of full retail ain't that good of a buy...especially if you can't return it if it's not working properly.

I wonder how many people fall for this.

Too bad for the makers of Crown Royal it takes me about 3 years to drink a bottle of whiskey....I really like this commercial.

till later.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Unexpected night off........

Jeez, I was looking forward to the extra overtime, but it looks like our company is clamping down on some of the higher paid associates overtime.

I can't say I was looking forward to working 14 straight nights without any time off, but the extra money sure is nice.

Not sure if this is true or even possible...but it sure is a funny story.

till later.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I like endorphins

I gotta say......I'm really getting into this "exercise" thing. It's pretty much a no-brainer, I just stop by the gym on the way home, change clothes and either ride a stationary bike or the elliptical machine for 45 minutes and go home and shower.

It's kinda neat, folks of all shapes, sizes and ages are there doing their thing.

Not much posting is gonna be going on for the next few days, I'm extremely busy with work. It's the law of "little luxuries"....folks might not be able to afford a new big screen TV or a new car, but they can afford a couple of donuts.

till later.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Bowflex.......

I got my lovely wife a new Bowflex for her Valentines/Birthday/Anniversary present.

She has been wanting one for awhile, but she would never spend that much money on herself.....

Me?

I absolutely adore spending money.

It only took her an hour or so (with me tightening bolts and doing what I was told) to put the thing together and I gotta say...it's a pretty neat deal. I've tried all the exercises and I think my favorite are the ones where you work your abs.

Next Tuesday is Fashnacht Day. That means that yesterday was my last day off for the next 2 weeks. Not sure what it is about living here in Pennsyltucky but damn people like their donuts around here.

I'm not sure what's going on here, but it's still a neat picture.

I always wondered how Google worked.....now I know.

I rarely drink "regular" soda, but I might have to try a bottle of these. I've had Coke with sugar in it (instead of HFCS) and it's a totally different drink.

Did someone say "cat video"? Humans do the dumbest things....

till later.

That was kinda boring.......

I made it to about lap 110 of the Daytona 500 and promptly lost interest.

Back in the 80's and early 90's....I used to watch just about every race. Back then it wasn't uncommon for drivers to beat the shit out of each other after the race....I think they need to bring back a little bit of that-it's all to "corporate" for my taste.

Most of the drivers are too worried about pissing off their sponsors to say or do anything that is too far out of line. The sport needs someone to ram the pace car like Earnhardt used to do on occasion.

Maybe the drivers can say a few swear words once and awhile too.....it's just to damn boring to watch for 4 hours.

Hooking up a new Sony Bravia flat screen for a client today.....nice TV.

till later.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I ain't gonna make it.........

It's lap 26 and I'm falling asleep already.......

Love advice from the donut guy......

If you are shopping for something to buy your sweetheart in a grocery store at 2 AM on February 15th...........you don't really get the whole concept of Valentines Day.

About the only thing that's gonna save your ass at this point is jewelry.

Expensive jewelry.

Start earlier next year.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Mark Martin for the win....

I seldom sit down for an entire afternoon the watch the NASCAR boys turn left for 3 hours.....but I make an exception for the Daytona 500. Not sure why, maybe it's because it's the "Superbowl" of racing-I usually make time for it.

I've been a Mark Martin fan ever since the dude has been racing.....I really wanna see him finally win the 500.

My son and I were shopping at Wal-Mart the other evening.....I'm not saying my poo doesn't stink, but wow-there were some really unusual characters shopping there.

I guess what I am saying is that if Wal-Mart sold a Limited Edition Commemorative 6-pack of Dale Earnhardt Spaghetti-O's (the pasta would be little "3"s) ...they'd sell a trailer load.

till later

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm dumb but I ain't stupid......

No skeevy guy this morning.....I must have got to the gym to late to hang out with him.

I've been eating a huge salad every morning after I shower instead of eating a bunch of carbs and hitting the sack.

It consists of lettuce greens, spinach, tomatoes, a can of tuna packed in water and my favorite salad dressing in the world....Gazebo Room. The only problem is that I like a lot of dressing on my salad and according to the bottle, I was probably putting on 3 or 400 calories of dressing every morning.

Not good if I want to stop being a fatass.

My lovely and rather smart wife suggested that use the "Lite" version of it instead.....I checked the label ingredients and as best as I can tell-the major difference is that they add water.

Hell, I can do that at home.

I figured that I can dilute each bottle to about a 50/50 mix of water and dressing and I'll end up with the "lite" version only twice as much for the same price as a single bottle.

Sometimes, I'm so smart.....I just can't help but be pleased with myself.

till later.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Skeevy guy..........

I know that the motto of the fitness club I just joined it "The Judgment Free Zone" but for just this one time......I gotta make an exception.

I got there a little earlier then I did yesterday...I started my workout, it was just me and a dude wearing jeans, workboots, a belt with a belt buckle the size of a hubcap and a tucked in flannel shirt.

And he decides to ride the bike right next to mine.

Me?

I'm totally okay with the dude because I have headphones in and I can barely hear him breathing heavy and I can hardly hear him mutter to himself.

I think he wants to make friends because after I was done on the bike, I decided to try out one of the elliptical machines and yup, you guessed it-he got on the one right next to me.

I hope he shows up tomorrow, I gonna tell him I'm related to Al Gore and I'll see if we can start up a conversation.

I'll post back tomorrow unless he turns out to be an ax murderer.

_____________________________________

Who ever said I never make fun of the Democrats?

A joke.....
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.

The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.


The Coroner tells the Inspector, "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.

" The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one.

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning."

"Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"She thought she was having her picture taken
.

Pretty good, huh? Gotta thank my friend Jim for that one.

Only link I'm gonna post today....and it's extremely important-How to avoid an attack.

till later.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Iron man donut guy......

I kid of course......

Today was the first time at the gym and so far.....I'm really digging it. I'm surprised at how many folks are there at 4:30 in the morning, probably 20 or 30 people mostly using treadmills or elliptical machines.

Me?

I'm rocking the stationary bike. I'm starting at 20 mins this week and I'll gradually notch it up to hour over the next few weeks and months as long as my knees are okay with it.

One other thing I am in love with....they have massage chairs. Holy Mother of God....they are worth the membership alone.

Once my pop is done with his therapy, he's gonna join me to sweat off a few pounds. I like the vibe of the place, there aren't a bunch of muscled up gorillas grunting....there are folks of all shapes and sizes there.

So far I likey

They have a bunch of other machines that exercise your arms, legs and torso....I'll worry about that once I lose a few pounds and get my endurance back up to where it used to be.
_____________________________________

God forbid someone can't watch TV.

I love me some Google....I like the fact that I can put all my appointments in my Google Calendar and it's sends me a text message so I don't forget anything.....I am extremely absent-minded.

Remember the woman with a clown car for a vagina?...she's on welfare. Shocker, huh?

The guy might turn out to be a one term President or he might be a hero....one things for sure-he's got a plan and a vision. I sure hope it works out well for his sake and the country's sake.

Almost everyone knows of someone who has been laid off in the past few months...I hope it gets turned around soon. I consider myself to be extremely fortunate to have a good job with great benefits...jobs aren't exactly growing on trees right now.

Not that it's very important in the overall scheme of things, but I bought bikeridingdonutguy.com yesterday, it's a lot easier to explain to friends how to find my blog instead of telling them the entire Blogger address.....

till later.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Food safety......

Somebody needs to go to jail for this. I have no idea how the former management can sleep at night. Food sanitation is next to Godliness as far as I'm concerned. 99% of proper sanitation and food safety is just plain common sense.

Damn.... this kid shoulda hit his bully in the face with a large history book when he wasn't looking.....hey, it worked for me in 9th grade.

This jackass need strung up by his testicles.

600,000 jobs lost in one month? Holy crap. I've been unemployed and I know what it feels like-it ain't fun. Do I like President Obama's ideas concerning spending roughly 1 trillion dollars of government money to help the economy? Not really.....it's a debt that my grandkids and their kids will ending paying. I just make donuts for a living so hopefully, he knows what he's doing because 1 trillion is a helluva lot of money.

She's fat? Aww, hell no-I think she looks just fine. You wanna see fat? Go grocery shopping at 2 AM.

I can show you fat.

till later.

Did I sound a little pissed???

Jeez, was I a tad upset when I wrote my last post?

Yup.

My wife works 55 hours+ a week, I work 6 nights a week and run my own consulting business in what little spare time I have...no one gave us a bonus last year because we managed to pay all our bills on time.

It just grinds my ass when I read about all those fat cats on Wall St who think their shit doesn't stink.

Sorry.....I'll get off my soapbox now.

Remember when I said I was gonna join a gym last week?

Yeah, well I never made it there yet due to having a cold, bad weather, etc.....if I wait long enough, it will be warm enough to ride. Seriously, I plan to make my way there on my day off next week to sign up.

My lovely wife came up with the idea of keeping a food diary. Kinda interesting to see what you eat on a daily basis when it's written down on paper. Eating my son's leftover donut right before I went to bed yesterday morning probably wasn't such a good idea.

6 inches of snow? I know I have a couple of English readers....can't your fellow countrymen and women drive in a little snow? Seriously.

This is one from my town......most of us kin spell better. And not all us smoke crack.

14 kids? I might be out on left field on this one, but damn...I think she oughta stop having kids for a few years to see how she does with the children she already has. I don't have anything against large families.....as long as I don't have to pay for someone else who thinks her vagina is a clown car.

till later.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

If only.......

Mixed response to Obama's planned $500,000 pay cap -- Newsday.com

Maybe if the dumbasses that run those companies would pull their heads out of their asses and do their job correctly-they wouldn't have to worry about the government looking over their shoulder checking to see how much money they make.

Did I really send some of my tax money as a bonus to some jackass on Wall St who can't balance a fucking checkbook?

I want it back.

No, seriously.

I WANT MY MONEY BACK
.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I like Winter........

No, not really.....what follows is an email one of my wife's friends sent her yesterday.

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in northern Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The lake is so picturesque. I have a beautiful old maple tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.


Oct. 14 - Ohio is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.


Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!


Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to a wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The maple tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway, because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!


Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!


Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!


Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back.
I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??


Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Eddie" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??


Jan.1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.


Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a damn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.


Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the maple tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the chance.


May 10 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow shit.


May 23 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the Godforsaken State of Ohio.


My lovely wife was raised in a suburb of Cleveland Ohio and moved here at age 14.

I remember when we first started dating that her dad still had one of his cars from when they lived in Cleveland.....most of the bottom 3rd of the car was rusted away.

If I had the choice of where to live in the USA...Cleveland wouldn't be very high on my list. Actually....it wouldn't be on my list.

Cheney dunk tank raises 800 million dollars.

Speaking of Cheney......here's an asshole detector. (sorta not safe for work-has pictures of blurry assholes)

till later.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

An expensive crappy week.

Ever get one of those colds that just won't go away?

I gots me one and I'll be a very happy camper when it has run it's course. Been drinking plenty of fluids, eating healthy (for the most part) and getting tons of sleep....but no joy.

My head still feels like it has been packed with 20 pounds of mashed potatoes.

If that wasn't enough, our son's laptop crapped the bed Sunday night....lots of bios beeping codes but no screen save for some multicolored streaks running up and down the screen.

I bit the bullet and bought him a fairly decent system that won't be obsolete in 2 years but I'll be working a lot of overtime to pay for it....such is life-at least I have a decent job. Increasing amounts of people aren't as lucky as me.

Best ad of the Super Bowl. The rest are here. I didn't watch much of the game, I went to bed.

till later.