Surgery.......

My mom's knee replacement went very well.

She was in the operating room for a couple hours and she has all kinds of stuff hooked up to her knee.........which all comes off today and she starts physical therapy.

As of last night, the spinal anesthesia hasn't worn off so she wasn't in much pain.

I'm sure that will change by today.

With the way my knees are now-I can see me going through the same thing in 20 years.
_____________________________________
You can count the times I have stuck up for President Bush on one hand.....you'll have to include this. My opinion....if there is one person in America you don't edit- it's the President.

Poor little guy.....


I think I might have a problem.....I really like sneakers.

Very subtle, but the message is clear.

I sure hope these folks have a thick skin.

till later.

Jet Bike

I need one of these.....

I'm a slacker.........

Gonna have to wait until next week to see how my poker career works out.....stay tuned.

I spent the first day of my vacation doing a whole bunch of nothing...

After working 14 days in a row... it's kinda of nice to not be working. I could get used to a life of leisure, no problem. You know how you see folks that win the lottery say that they still plan on working?

Not me.

Potato chips with caffeine.....I guess the food scientists are getting bored. How soon before they start putting Provigil in oatmeal so you don't nod off during the day?

I suppose I'm too old to get the whole "Social Media" thing....I have accounts at all of them but I'm really sure why. I have a Facebook account only so I can check out pictures my daughter takes at school.

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10 . Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15 . Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air

Everything should come in jars like this....

Who's running Iraq........us or the Iraqi's?

Americans sure love corn.........and ice cream floats. No wonder we're all so damn fat.

I'm not even gonna touch this one.....but I will link to it.

Another joke.....

A man walks into a bar in Dublin and sees a guy, obviously drunk, with dozens of empty pint glasses around him.

The man walks over to the drunk and asks what is wrong.

"Do you seen those ten bridges out that window?

I built those bridges with me own two hands.

But do they call me McGinty the bridge builder?

Ahh, No."

He takes a sip of beer and continues: "And do you see those ships in the harbor?

I built those ten ships with me own two hands.

But do they call me McGinty the ship builder?

Ahh, NO"

....."But ya f*** ONE goat…."

You wanna put SpongeBob where?


Find more videos like this on AdGabber

The production crew got bored after they did the real commercial....true story.

Don't think you can be hacked? You can with a little bit of social engineering. You'll crap your pants after listening to this. NSFW due to mature language but please don't let that stop you from listening to the mp3 file.

This lady had some incredibly stupid neighbors. Vanished? Jeez, you woulda thunk they might have checked her apartment at least once.....

till later.

I'm quitting my job to play poker........

Just kidding......

I've always wanted to play poker for real money and I'm going to get my chance on Friday night. Since I have zero experience, I don't expect to last long and I'm only betting what I don't mind losing....which is exactly 40 bucks.

A friend and client of mine invited to play and I'm looking at it as a opportunity to hand out some business cards, do a little smoozing and wind down from working 14 days straight.

If I win any money, it sure won't be from skill, it'll be all dumb luck.

My wife is good....and much calmer then I am.

Not sure what she said to the Comcast guy, but she got the billing situation situated and got a bunch of free channels for a year. She's much more calm than I am with situations like this.

Me?

There would probably be a mini-van sized hole in the front of the Comcast building where I installed my own drive-thru lane to pay my next bill.

My lovely wife is an RN at a local nursing home and every Tuesday she schedules meetings with the dependents of parents that are clients in her home. She has to listen to and resolve any issues relating to the care of the nursing home residents.

Stressful?

Oh, hell yeah.

If I was paying several thousand dollars a month for care for a loved one....yeah, I guess I'd want it to be perfect too....sometimes though, the children of the clients living in the nursing home can make some pretty unreasonable demands.

Anyways, all her nurses are involved and I try to make or buy something for them to have at lunch that day. This week, I was in charge of dessert......


How'd I do?

We have some sliced pound cake drizzled with strawberry glaze, lady fingers, blueberries, strawberries and a touch of whipped cream.

Hopefully that will make dealing with the difficult children of clients a little more easy to take.

I know if I was dealing with some of those folks......things would get ugly.

My wife is a way better person than I am when dealing with difficult situations. She's one special person and I imagine she's one helluva nurse.
___________________________________

Seriously, there's no reason for this....yeah, I know there is a picture of pound cake with whipped cream right above this but it ain't like only one person is gonna be eating it. Moderation, people.

This is not awesome since I'm typing this on an HP laptop running XP with an AMD processor.

This is a damn shame. My folks raised me to be better than that over 30 years ago. Looks like some parents didn't get the memo regarding racial slurs.

"Winning the War on Drugs" by the......Asylum Street Spankers. Yeah, I know I'm a flaming nut job liberal.....but lets start treating marijuana the same as hard liquor and tax the hell out of it.

Trust me, it's easier to back up all the stuff that will make you cry if you lose it. To be honest, it's probably a good idea to back up your important stuff to more than one place. Me? I have 3 back ups of all my important stuff, but I've been through a hard drive crash and I'm paranoid.


Mmmmmm......I don't want to come across as elitist, our kids attend a private school where they don't have to deal with military recruiters.......pervs? I think I remember our daughter telling me about a few weird teachers when she went to high school and every morning when i drop our son off there is a really skeevy looking teacher that stands outside and watches all the kids get dropped off.

If you've never smoked...you have no idea how hard it is to quit. For the last couple of years I smoked....I hated every single cigarette I smoked. I took me a couple of tries to finally kick the habit. Ray, I know you're reading this.....you are the MAN. 50 ain't too old to quit.

Holy cow, this is one large cow.

You best step off......this is my box.

This is some scary stuff.....1 and 1/2 trillion dollars? I bet it costs more than that.

Someones gonna light my ass up for this one...72 years old isn't really that old....but I kinda think it's too old to sign up for what could be 8 years of running the largest country in the world. John McCain at 80 isn't what this country needs. Let's face it-it's a damn stressful job.

Ice cream lovers take it up the poop chute once again. Go ahead are resize everything else but leave my damn ice cream alone.

My friend Doug sent me this........

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who in stalled them.

He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helllooooo?

Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo?

It's been a year, I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

At first, I thought that Doug actually had his windows replaced , but I realized it was a joke when I remembered that Doug has even less hair than I do and none of it is blond.

I wonder if she has enough pantsuits to last until August.

I don't get into much about religion on this blog.......I'm not Catholic or an Evangelical-both this dude is waaaay out there. We're all different religions, nationalities and colors but we have one thing in common......we all need to get along and treat each like we'd like to be treated.

America is the only country in the world that would consider firing someone for dropping the "F" bomb on live TV by mistake. Shit happens.

I bet this judge's courtroom was fun.

Wow......just f**king wow. At least he gave up golf.

Our son's girlfriend pitches fast pitch softball....I bet she's gonna enjoy this video.

Hey fellas, watch this.

More fail than you can shake a stick at.

I'd email it to 43, but it's kinda long and I'm not sure he'd understand all those big words anyways.

till later.

Comcast is really pissing me off......

Before I go any further on the subject of Comcast......let me say this- every person I have dealt with over the past 4 months trying to get my situation resolved has been polite and professional, so I don't want my rant or complaints that follow to reflect on how I have been treated by the staff of Comcast......here goes-

The whole beginning of this fiasco started back in February when my wife tuned into watch Turner Classic Movies one weekend. No channel and no explanation on any billing why it disappeared.

The following week, I read an article in our local paper concerning how Comcast dropped the ball concerning this matter and that TCM and another channel were being moved and I would need to go to the cable office and pick up a converter..

I went to the office and after standing in line for 20 minutes...I was informed that they had no converters and would have to set up an appointment to have a tech come out and install one. Why did I have to waste 20 minutes in line when someone could have made a sign for the lobby?

Couple weeks go by and the tech comes out and installs the box and check our cables and fixed a few things that made our picture quite a bit better.....only problem was that TCM wasn't showing up. The tech called the office and couldn't figure out why it wasn't showing up as everything else was he thought that TCM might be off the air temporarly.

It sounded like a reasonable thing to have happen and thanked him and he told me to check for the channel the next day.

In the mean time, we were billed 35 bucks for a service call....I called the office and a very nice rep told me that they would remove the charge as we still weren't getting the channel. In the mean time, I complained about my troubles on this blog and someone from Comcast hooked us up with a direct phone number and a contact to get the issue resolved.

That worked out extremely well-the tech came out and replaced a section of co-axial cable and checked a few things and we were getting TCM......

I and my wife were very happy for several days.....until we got a notice yesterday that told us our service was being shut off next week unless we payed for the service charge that was supposed to be taken off our bill.

I'm so pissed I can't even take the chance on talking to someone at Comcast because I don't want to lose my temper with someone....so hopefully my lovely wife will be able to talk to someone at Comcast to get this straightened out.

I have an extremely high FICA score-I've never late payed on a bill for the last 35 years. If this effects my FICA score in the least- I"m gonna pop a blood vessel.

To say I'm pissed is an understatement. At this point- I want someone from Comcast to fix this problem and hook my wife up with her choice of pay channels for a year because she's the one who enjoys watching TV way more than I do.

Do I sound unreasonable?

I don't think so for as long as this has been going on.

I'm gonna go and try to calm down now.........

I hate it when that happens..........

Before I tell you about my latest adrenaline rush........how was everyone's Mother's Day?

I'm a pretty lucky guy, I have a great mom, a great mother-in-law and a great wife who also happens to be a great mom and a great daughter who I'm sure will be a great mom someday.

Seeing a trend here?

I'm a lucky guy and don't think I don't know it. My son and I are surrounded by some pretty fabulous women.

My mom is going into the hospital next week to get the first of two operations to replace her knees...I'm on vacation next week, so I'll be able to keep her company while she's in the hospital for 3 or 4 days plus help her around the house after she gets home.

I'm sure my wife, our daughter and my mother-in-law will also be around quite a bit, so I don't think she'll go without company for very long....she'll be in pretty good hands.

.......my latest "crap my pants moment"....on the way home from work this morning in the driving rain-I ran over someones bumper that was laying in the middle of the highway. Couldn't avoid it because traffic was right next to me, it sounded like a ran over a crate of bowling balls.

I'm just glad I was driving my 9 year old minivan and not my wife's new car or our daughter car.

I'd seriously consider one of these. Hardly any of my trips are more than 10 miles in length.

I listened to Valerie Plame's book Fair Game last night at work......it's an okay book, one thing's for sure though....Karl Rove, Libby and all their co-horts are douchebags for outing her.

I'm thinking these two cops are gonna be piloting desks for quite awhile.

Nothing like starting early.....

I'm almost okay with this.

Bill O'Reilly drops the F bomb......fair and balanced. NSFW

Weekly World News has the latest news about computer viruses.....someone out there probably believes this.

Nine out of ten doctors can't be wrong.

Slightly off-color joke.......
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.'

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him..

The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says: 'I saw your look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks.

I'm 7 feet tall. I weigh 350 pounds. I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The small guy says: 'Turner Brown.

Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around.'

Till later....