Sunday, April 20, 2008

Another Saturday night at the grocery store......

If you ever want to see what the rest of humanity looks like....go shopping at Wal-Mart or a grocery store (like mine).

The trick is when to go.

Go during normal business hours and you're going to see mostly "normal" people.

You have to go shopping late, wait until at least 11 PM to head out and you will see the rest of humanity. Normal people shop during normal hours.....If you want to see a large Spanish family order a wedding cake with a Mutant Ninja Turtles theme...you have to go shopping on Saturday nights between 11PM and 3 in the morning.

Last night a had a couple of stoner Goth kids watch me make donuts for 20 minutes. They didn't say a word, they just stared.

You'll get to see entire families dressed in dirty clothing shop for essentials. When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed out of the house with dirty clothes on. Nowadays, it's okay for the whole family to roll around in the dirt before they go out. You might think I'm exaggerating this for comic effect-I'm not.

You get to see a lot of nurses, police officers and shift workers and get to know some of them which is pretty cool.

I like to observe shopping habits....guys will come into the bakery, pick up what they want and leave.....sometimes I will see a guy with flowers for his significant other browse for something sweet. Here's a hint guys-buy the expensive small pastries and don't buy enough for both of you-just her. Don't buy a box of coffee rolls....unless you're a dumbass.

Woman on the other hand will graze the department several times before selecting something to buy...woman are generally smarter shoppers than men....no, lets changes that-woman are always smarter shoppers than men. If men did all the food shopping, the world economy would grind to a halt because most families wouldn't have any disposable income after spending it all at the grocery store.

I hate to pick on fat people but late at night....you see A LOT of morbidly obese people grocery shopping. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against fat people....but if you're overweight-do yourself a favor and buy some clothes that fit nice.

One of my regular customers is probably a good 75 to 100 pounds over what he should be-but he always wears a sport jacket with nice dress slacks and he is impeccably groomed. In other words-he looks nice....he isn't wearing a dirty,torn Dale Earnhardt T-shirt from 15 years ago that's 3 sizes too small with jean shorts that have a hole in the ass.

Another category of people you see are drunk or high people. Ever since I quit smoking, my sense of smell is much better. Now I can smell a drunk person from 20 feet away...and if you're smokin' the weed-dude that stuff reeks. If you get pulled over after smoking up-you are so busted....

Father's Day is coming up...no one will buy me this because they know I'll wear it.

Kitty in a bowl....awwww.

I'm not one for TV commercials...but this one is keeper.

Same with graffiti unless it's well done. Bonus points for the bicycle.

This is kinda dumb if you spend more then 10 seconds thinking about it...especially when you read stories like this one.

This would be kinda hard to explain to your boss.

Lewis Black for President. Not family safe due to a few F-bombs.

We need one of these at our house.

till later.

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