360,000

Here's what 360,000 calories looks like.

That includes a few trays of donuts that didn't fit into the case.........

Still, that's a lot of calories......better start walking.

We have friendly stock clerks that work overnight, if you can't find something and they will be happy to help you.

............maybe not.


Maybe some of you know this, maybe you don't; I am a huge fan of the Beach Boys and Brian Wilson. Personally, I think Brian is a music genius.......the guys music is timeless.

50 years from now, will anyone listen to 50 Cent and marvel at how his music flows?

I don't think so.

Just about anything the Beach Boys have done is about 40 years old now and it's still played on the radio.

Anyhow, I found this podcast series on how they made Pet Sounds, just click where it says podcast series in the upper right hand corner and follow the directions.

I haven't seen a 007 movie since they turned into cartoons of themselves. This one looks like it is different. I'll let ya know how it is when the DVD comes out.

Today is the Great American Smokeout. I"ll be blunt........if you smoke, you're a dumbass and it's gonna eventually kill you. So quit now. Whatever it takes, even if it take 20 tries......start today.

I took the test on this page and answered all the questions honestly and I'm gonna live to be at least 90 years old. That means I got another 43 years to go. That should give me time to spend all our retirement money and die 10 dollars overdrawn.

Are you a bubba? Go here and click the " The Bubba Test".

If you need or want pink pubic hair........this is your product.


Our cat was ready to go to work yesterday.

Till later.

Lights out...............

For something like the forth time this year, our store and the surrounding area lost power. Every time it happens, the power company comes out and resets something and it comes back on.

For most folks, that's probably no big deal but since I don't run wood fired ovens........it kinda sucks to be me when it happens.

Ever see one of those cooking shows were the timing of everything is calculated and coregraphed to perfection? I do the same thing only on a much, much bigger scale so when the power goes off I not only lose the product I have in the oven, I also lose procuct waiting to go into the oven and product proofing up in the proof box because everthing has yeast in it.

It's kinda like an all day train wreck only in slow motion as all the breads and rolls get real puffed up and then go pffft when the yeast runs out of sugar to eat and stops producing gas.
One bright spot was I strung 3 extension cords together to an outlet powered by the emergency generator so I could fry donuts. The fryer is gas powered and only needs electricity to run the on-off relays.

Gotta have those donuts, ya know.
_________________________________________

Like anyone believes he didn't do it. I feel bad for his children.

Since I am 47, the first time I feel any chest pain........my ass is headed to the hospital. My pop had a heart attack at age 50, so it's always on the back of my mind.

We don't eat much red meat, but this study is kinda scary.

If you have Google Earth 4........this is way cool. I could play with it for hours..........special note to my mom.......yes, you have Google Earth 4; give it a shot and if you can't figure it out-give me a holler.

I work at retail grocery store, but if I worked in a department store, I would need to be medicated before I went to work on Black Friday. There ain't nothing I need or want enough to make myself go out anywhere and shop that weekend because lets face it; people can be really, really ugly when they are faced with huge crowds and faraway parking spaces. Not my cup of tea.

Groovy man. I was a kid when they first started but they are/were one of my favorite bands.

Here's something I bet you never heard of before...................Pimp Cups.

They actually sell these? I'd like to hack it and replace the voice with the voicebox from this. But that's just me.

That's one helluva deep end.

You could do this or just hit it with a BFH.....

Till later.

It's gonna kill me............

..........but I'm not gonna mention politics for a whole week. A buddy of mine that reads this blog bet me I couldn't do it.

All I have to do is make it through Saturday and I will be the owner of a brand new 12 pack of my favorite green tea.

I've been working a lot of overtime for the past couple months, I want have all my new office equipment and supplies bought and paid for so when I start my consulting business up in January so I am not in the hole for anything.

Last night at work, another store called me and asked me if I wanted to work on my night off for a few weeks.................I had to turn them down-right now I am only taking one night off a week-I don't want to get burnt out. I was tempted though.

Our daughter was in NYC this past week and saw Rent and did a bunch of other stuff. According to what I read on her blog, she and her friends walked 100 blocks to see Ground Zero. They have subways there don't they? Whatevs......as long as she had fun-that's all that matters. I do have to think that if her Grandma Fullerton found out she walked 100 blocks in NYC, my mother-in-law would probably pass out cold.

_________________________________________

Why do dogs lick their own balls?.........no, it's not because they can.........it's to get rid of the taste of their food.

This just in........Serial impregnator Kevin Federline is Father of the Year. That dude is a walking talking rectum.

I'm seeing so many stories about politics I want to comment on. This is going to be a loooong week.

Sacha Baron Cohen gets real life and movie life mixed up. He's lucky he didn't get the crap beat out of him even worse considering where he was and what time it was.

I'm getting one of these to keep track of contacts, appointment and stuff. I am as absent-minded as a fence post, hopefully this will help.

I might be totally wrong (I hope I am) but this is why I'm glad I got a laptop before Vista comes out. Hopefully Vista will work better then the Zune software, but I couldn't take the chance-in January I will need a funtioning laptop.

"Donks" is one car fad I don't really get. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

I kinda like this van. Not sure where the dirty mountain bike would go though.

Till later.

Bike memories............

The very first bike I remember is my tricycle. Actually, I don't remember much about it except the end of its life. I recall riding it off a wood plank with my friends and breaking off the handlebars, rolling down a hill out of control, crashing and then shitting my pants.

Hey, I was only 4 or 5, so cut me a break.

My first "real" bike came from Sears and had 16 inch hard rubber tires. I remember that the rear tire immediatly developed flat spots because I like to skid in front of our neighbors house. I'm sure I pissed off Mr March, but he had the best place to leave skidmarks because he had the smoothest sidewalk. Evenually, I skidded so much, the rear tire eventually shredded itself.

Next bike was my first "real" bike, check out those white wall tires and ape hanger bars.

1968......I'm one bad mofo.

My dad used to manage a retail tire store that sold other stuff like bikes, lawn mowers and go-karts so that's where most of the bikes he got me came from.

If I remember correctly, they were made by Kent Bicycles. Judging from their website, they kinda look cheap, back when I had them.......they were the same way. I can remember at least 2 or 3 times on seperate bikes when my dad would have to have one of his friends braze the head tube back onto the frame.

I used to beat the living snot out of my bikes.

After I turned about 12 or so, I cut lots of grass to make money so I started to buy my own bikes. I remember buying a couple of Ross bikes from Sears which I used to ride to school and back, they rusted out in a year or so because they were always left outside and in the rain.


My Ross looked very similar to this one. They didn't last long because I used them as mountain bikes and jumped lots of dirt berms with them.

After them, I had picked up a paper route and needed something I could install baskets on. So I bought a Sears Free Spirit bike.


Something like this one (but in a "boys" style)

I installed racks front and rear and got lots of use out of that bike, probably weighed 50 pounds, but it was one of the few bikes I had that I didn't break the frame in half.

While I was using my Free Spirit as a utility bike, I also owned one of those Schwinn "fillet" bikes. That was a sweet bike, I can't remember when, but I know at some point, somebody stole it.

Bastards.

After that, I as most boys the age of 16 drifted away from bikes to play around with cars until I was in my late 30's..............

At that point, I had turned into your typical out of shape suburbanite. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day and was probably 40 pounds overweight. The turning point was when I was when my lovely wife called me a fat bastard.

Or something like that.......I can't remember the words exactly.

I went down to Wal-Mart and bought myself a mountain bike and started riding again. Rode that thing for 2 or 3 years before most of the parts fell of of it and upgraded to my first "real" mountain bike, a Schwinn S-30


I put something 4000 miles on it before I sold it to one of my buddies to finance the purchase of my Surly Cross-Check. I really wished I had it back-I loved the way it handled.

Got a GT I-Drive after awhile, I liked that bike as well, it was built like a tank (weighed as much as one too) you could ride over or through just about anything on that bike.


Mine was very similar to this one only it was Mango Orange. Traded that with a friend for my Cannondale road bike.

Here's my current stable...............


They all didn't fit in one picture...........


Here's my chopper. You can't ride this bike without grinning like an idiot.

Till later.

Speed Week 2006

I like bikes, but I'm a sucker for hot rods and photography.

Speed Week 2006

Mega Machu Picchu - 1.5 GigaPixel

This is way cool.

Mega Machu Picchu

Click on the plus, minus and arrow icons to do stuff.

Marine to receive Medal of Honor for Iraq heroism - CNN.com

Marine to receive Medal of Honor for Iraq heroism

I'm not gonna talk about politics.............

I'm not gonna talk about politics for a week............unless something really pisses me off, then I might have to bust loose.

I do think this is funny though.....anytime George Bush tells you that you are doing a fantastic job........you'd better pack your shit up, because your ass is headed out the door.

Maybe I'll talk about some other stuff I like..........

Like cars.......

Who needs a 600 horsepower car?

I do.

Not sure where the bike rack would mount though....actually the gas mileage on a Corvette is way better then an SUV if you can manage to have a light throttle foot. Ah, hell.......who am I kidding? If I had a car with 600 horsepower, I'd be pulling out of every intersection like this.

Wanna a cool motorcycle? Well, this bike started cool.

Or maybe eyeglasses...........

I wish I could be brave like this guy and order my glasses online but I don't see that happening. Since I am legally blind in one eye and damn near the same in the other.......I go to a locally owned chain to get my glasses. My prescription is so wacky, I don't want the hassle of having to return glasses that aren't perfect. My glasses look like the bottom of Coke bottles so I am very particular about them.

The last time I was at the eye doctor, I dropped aver 600 bucks on two pairs of glasses, I got my first pair of prescription sunglasses. I'm rather fortunate as my company's benefit program picked up almost all of the cost. The lenses of the sunglasses took them 3 trys to get perfect (I'm picky as hell) since they were wraparound lenses but the end result was worth it.

Ya'll know I love computers and gadgets........

The more I read and listen to news articles about Windows Vista, I'm glad I didn't wait for it to come out to get a laptop.

700 bucks for video game system? You have got to be kidding me.

Can't forgot about all the dumb stuff going on out there either.......

Maybe Britney does have a few brain cells left.

I'd sure like a few extra hundreds if they could spare any.

Osama bin Laden is delivering potato chips.

I wish I woulda thought of this gag. I hate it when that happens..........

I'm also a science geek as well...........

I'm glad we spent the money on going to Mars.

Who can pass up a spiffy picture of a hurricane. On Saturn.

I enjoy listening to music............

As I am writing this on my laptop, I am watching this infomercial. Brings back memories. Unfortunately for Time-Life, I have something like 2500 songs on my laptop from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's. It was pretty cool watching the infomercial though......folks back in the 70's dressed weird.

Bikes.......what about bikes? I'm saving that for another post............

Finally, today is Veterans Day.

If any veterans are reading this..... thank you for serving.

Till later.

Another 1890 servings....

This is the ingredient panel off of a 50 lb box of shortening.

I make about 150 dozen donuts a night.........I use a 50 pound cube of partially hydrogenated soybean oil every night.

Just thought I'd share.

That's all I have to say for today.

Till later.

The Senate gets George's other ball............

No shit, I couldn't believe it when I opened up this mornings paper.

All I can say is the Democrats better bust some major ass in the next two years. Even if Bush vetos every damn piece of legislation they put in front of him, I still wanna see Congress do something for a change.

If you think I'm a fan of the Democrats, I'm not.....I'm a registered Libertarian and instead of wasting my vote on Tuesday, I voted for a straight Democratic ticket but I didn't vote for any Democrats already in office.

They were just the lesser of two evils. You guys and gals got 2 years, you better get busy.

I'm glad Rumsfeld got the boot yesterday, I'd love to see Cheney and Rove follow right behind him.

Another guy I'm really glad to see go is Rick Santorum.

............don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out Rick and don't blame the Democrats.


No reason in particular for this picture, I just like it.

I'm not sure if I posted this before or not-but it's too good to not give a listen.

Quick, somebody give me 35,000 dollars.......here's my new minivan. I like it, but the one I have isn't even close to being wore out yet.

Bad joke time...........

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

As usual, don't blame me, I didn't write it............this guy did.

No wonder the rest of the world thinks we are a bunch of lazy fat slobs.

This site might have NSFW ads on it, but I really want a blender that will eat a rake handle or maybe a little help starting my bonfire.........my parents will probably crap their pants when they read this, but I got a Boy Scout Merit Badge in Aerosol Can Ignition at Camp Tuckahoe.

Aerosol cans make extremely loud fireballs...............the Scoutmasters son was the ringleader, so don't blame me mom :-)

Till later.

Bush gets de-nutted...............

Don't get me wrong, I think the Democrats can be as sleazy as the Republicans, but I glad they won at least the House yesterday.

They might win the Senate, but that's too close to call right at the moment.

To be honest, I really don't care- the House owns at least one of George's testicles and that's enough for me.

Till later.

More random crap............

I voted Tuesday morning. Voting went smoothly, just hope it's counted correctly at the end of the day.

Not sure if my experience was typical, but most of the folks out in the morning were over the age of 60........maybe it was just the time of day I was there.

I'm not gonna say who I voted for but I didn't vote for any incumbents. I'd really like to see all members of Congress and the President go to one 6 year term with no second terms. I don't think there should be such a thing as a "career politician".

One term, then go back to whatever you used to do for a living.

We don't need professional slimebags in Washington any more.


New shoes and orthopedic inserts. I haven't tried them yet, I sure hope they help my poor old knees.


Here's most of our leaves. It doesn't look like it in the picture, but the pile goes about 1/2 way into the street. We have lots of trees. By the way, my wife and son raked about 3/4 of those leaves.

I married well.

Till later.

Did ya vote yet?????????

As usual, this blog entry goes all over the place..................

My Aunt Shirley's service was yesterday.

Her ashes were buried next the her husband (my uncle Bob) in a quiet Mennonite cemetery. Very simple service graveside, it was nice to see all my relatives, hopefully we can all meet again under better circumstances sometime soon............

I haven't voted yet. The polls haven't opened because it's about 4 AM on Tuesday as I write this.

Yvonne Ward, 63, and her husband, Rex, 65, were disgusted to discover that the package they thought was a disposable towel was actually a prophylactic......

............I spit my milk out when I read that and almost ruined another keyboard.

I don't wanna judge, but Yvonne (the lady in the picture) doesn't look like she's in the mood for safe sex anytime soon...........I just want to know what "legitimate lovemaking" is. I wonder if you need a permit or something.

I just installed Google Earth 4 on my laptop. It's kinda neat being able to see anywhere in the world. I bookmarked our daughter's college dorm near Allentown.....the level of detail is amazing.

If I ever win the lottery, I'm gonna do this at least once. I've never been to Mexico, and I don't own a fancy car.

Hand fed hummingbirds.

I love sites like this. Just drag the blue slider...........

From Bill Maher.......

"New Rules For Democrats"

1. When they say Democrats will raise taxes, you say,

"We have to. Because someone spent all the money in the world cutting Paris Hilton's taxes and not killing Osama bin Laden. In just 6 years, the national debt has doubled. You can't keep spending money you don't take in -- that's not even elementary economics, that's just called 'Don't Be Michael Jackson.'"

2. When they say the terrorists want the Democrats to win, you say:

"Are you insane? George Bush has been a terrorist's wet dream! He inflames radical hatred against America, and then run on offering to protect us from it. It's like a a guy throwing shit on you, and then offering to protect you from the flies."

3. When they say cut and run, or defeat-o-crat, you say:

"Bush lost the war. Period. All this nonsense about 'the violence is getting worse over there because they're trying to influence the election' -- no, it's getting worse because you drew up the post-war plans on the back of a cocktail napkin on Applebee's! And of course Democrats WANT to win, but that's impossible now that you've ethnically cleansed the place by making it unliveable. Just like you did with New Orleans."

4. When they say that actual combat veterans like John Kerry are denigrating the troops, you say:

"You are completely full of shit." Remember when Al Gore caught all that flak for sighing and moaning during the debate? Yeah, don't do that -- just say, "You are full of shit. If I was a troop, the support I would want back home would mainly come in the form of people pressuring Washington to get me out of this pointless nightmare. That's how I would feel supported."

5. When they say Democrats are obstructionists, you say:

"You're welcome. Sometimes good people have to intercede to prevent dire consequences. You wouldn't like to think of ME as an obstructionist, but what if Roseanne had offered to sing? So I would be happy to frame this debate as a fight between the obstructionists and the enablers." There's your talking point: "Vote Republican and you vote to enable George Bush to keep ruling as an emperor. A retarded child emperor, but an emperor."


So Democrats, you've got four days to get out there and CLOSE. And it's not about slogans this time -- although when it comes to slogans, the only one I am prepared to accept from the opposition is:

"THE REPUBLICAN PARTY -- WE'RE SORRY."

HBO's "Hacking Democracy" is now online......watch it here.

Someone at the White House wants to alter your perception of history.

This fellow blogger has the right idea.

Till later..........................and go vote.

Hacking Democracy............

Wow. I finished watching the HBO documentary "Hacking Democracy" last night. I just may make donuts for a living, but it sure looks like it to me that votes can be hacked using Diebold voting equipment.

As I am posting this before the election............it will be interesting to see the election results.

Till later.

47 is not old........

Most days, I don't feel like I'm 47 years old..........I know I certainly don't act like I'm 47. I'd have to say the only exception to that are my knees.

My knees are definitely 47 years old.

With the onset of colder weather, I pretty much live on ibuprofin to get through my work shifts. I saw these advertised on an infomercial last night......I think I might buy a pair. They are only 20 bucks, what do I have to lose? Besides the 20 bucks...........

I run so much ad-blocking software on our computers, I had a hard time getting to the site to check out the insoles. At first I Googled it and the sponsored link was blocked-I had to manually put the URL into the address bar to get there. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Speaking of ad blocking........use this guy's stuff.......it works very well. I've been using his modified hosts file for a couple of years with no problem. If you are running anti-virus and anti-spyware software-they will set off all kinds of alarms when you try to install his hosts file, but trust me-no worries-it works awesome.

This kitty oughta get a job as a stunt man.

If you mountain bike, you should know who Captain Dondo is. He's back.

I want orange balls. Make sure you watch the video.

I really like sushi. Our store sells it and I've been eating it for lunch.

Torn. Really cool video of the song by Natalie Imbruglia.

TV online. This is kinda neat if you forgot to Tivo or tape something.

You think pizza is bad for you? Deep fry it. All I have to say is.......mmmm, I have a deep fryer at work, I wonder if the donuts will taste like pizza if I try it some night.

Cheney is one arrogant SOB.

I think his church oughta give him a second chance. It's too bad that he initially denied everything and that he'd probably be still living a double life if he wasn't outed. Everybody makes mistakes..........just don't be afraid to admit them.


Don't forget to vote Tuesday. Just do some critical thinking before you pull the lever.

Till later.

Random thoughts............

My wife, our son and I went to Red Lobster for lunch Saturday.

I was eavedropping on the discussion behind us...........the first couple that was eating there must have had a refill on the all-you can eat shrimp at least 4 times. Damn.

The second couple that was seated there complained about how they got almost got overcharged the last time they ate there. Their whole discussion while we were there consisted of how to make sure they didn't get overcharged again. Not sure why they chose to eat there, they didn't seem like they were having a good time.

Us, on the other hand, had a great time. Not sure why I ordered the all-you-can eat shrimp. I didn't get seconds........I could barely walk out the front door with what they served up the first time. We don't eat out that often, I think most restuarants serve way to much food, no wonder there are so many fat people.

I am in the process of bit torrenting Hacking Democracy, looking forward to watching it. I've heard several reviews on in and they all said it was worth watching. More on this in another blog post......

This would kinda suck if it happened. Not sure how accurate the whole story is, but it's not a good thing when we eat a species to extinction.

Have a screwdriver in your anus? Call a fire truck.

Of course he didn't use any of it. I agree with where this guy is coming from. I'm getting burnt out from reading about all the folks screwing up their lives and worse yet-the lives of their kids.....If the guy wants to have sex with another guy........whatever, just don't be married with a wife and kids at home. They're the ones that pay the price in the end.

This is an interesting poll. Don't blame me, I didn't vote for him.........anyways, it looks like the shit is about to hit the fan.

If you're a geek, this will be funny. If you're not a geek........this might do the trick.

This would be a good way to start 2007.

Till later.

Remembering my Aunt Shirley........

Death is a fact of life...........we all die.

My mom's sister wasn't in the best of health, but it was still a surprise to hear of her passing.

She died in her sleep last Tuesday.

My mom and her moved to Lancaster back in the late 50's where they lived and where my mom met my dad and Aunt Shirley met her husband Bob. Like my mom says, they were the original Laverne and Shirley only my mom with the conservative one and Shirley was the crazy one.

When my mom was growing up with Aunt Shirley, their older sister Betty, younger sister Joyce and younger brother Junior........they didn't have the easiest childhood growing up in downtown Baltimore. In fact they were dirt poor but one thing I always remember about Aunt Shirley was her sense of humor.

She was always the first person in a room to laugh and the last one to stop. If anything, I think I have her sense of humor because I am much the same way and I'll always remember her by her laugh.

I'm sure the first thing she did when she got to heaven was to bust up St. Peter with a few good jokes....

God bless you Aunt Shirley.

Still here............

Probably won't be posting anything for a few days, we had a death in the family and to be honest...........I'm not really up to it.

Till later.

Our son got busted.............

............for talking in class.

Looks like he has a little detention for his troubles.

Whoops.

Am I mad or upset? Nah, but if he gets detention for the same thing again, then that might be a different story............

I think I was in 8th grade as well when I got my first and only detention.......I was running in the hallway. That was the last time I ran in the hall.

This is a good (but lengthy) read detailing how lousy a job the 109th Congress is doing.

This guy is a long shot in 2008. Never heard of him before. Reading the list of possible Republican candidates running for President in the article............none of them with the possible exception of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani stands a snowballs chance in hell of being elected.

This is a good ad for folks quitting smoking..........unless you're married. Here's a few more. Link#1 Link#2 Link #3 and my favorite. I listened to an interview of the guys in link#1 last night........the guy with the hole in his throat used to be an model in cigarette ads.

This guy gets tackled for asking some questions. God, I just love politics. Not.

Wouldn't it just be easier to arm all the passengers.

Last night was Halloween and where I work, you could donate 5 bucks to our Christmas party fund to dress up in costume. I donated my 5 bucks and dressed as a baker.

Till later.

Got some exercise Sunday........

.....by walking around a couple of shopping malls.

I have to buy a new printer and a portable hard drive and I we went out to Sam's Clubs and BJ's Wholesale to check prices. Now, I have to say that I'm not in the best shape of my life, but damn.......there are lots of folks my age and younger that are way fatter then me.

I suppose the fact that the warehouse clubs don't sell food in small quantities doesn't help matters much.

Hell, I don't help matters much.

I did a rough calculation and I produce close to 3/4 of a million calories of food on a normal shift at work. That includes all the donuts, pies, rolls, breads, danishes and muffins I make in one 8 hour shift. I am one efficient calorie producing machine.

The revolution won't be televised..........it'll be fried.



Bush isn't any better then Hussein. Am I saying he should be tried for war crimes? I don't know, but perhaps it should be looked into. Whatever we do, this can't go on.

This article is from June. I guess the "deflection" strategy didn't quite work out...........



My friend Hank sent me an e-mail with these facts about boys....

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. Ft.
House 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
Roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
Crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
Strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and
A Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint
Can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. Room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
Few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
Long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
Baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
Already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
Though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-
Year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
Sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
Still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV
Commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys
Do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response
Time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
Earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their
Friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

As an aside, Hank does have 2 teenage boys and as nice and well mannered as they are.......I'm sure they done their share of mischief.

I can't say that I did any of those things when I was a kid but I have a few not on that list that I've done.

No, I'm not going to share them, my mom and my 13 year old son read this blog.