I want this bike. (click to make biggerer)
Nope, it's not a bicycle but I still like it. I used to ride motorcycles quite a bit before I met my wife, haven't been on one for a long time.

Here's why you'll never see my ugly face on the internet....................the internet is forever.

This is one guy that probably could win a one-legged ass kicking contest.

I think this is a good idea. Hell, they oughta make them paint their entire car pink.

This guy is A-Ok in my book.

This game is kind of addicting. Well, it's addicting up to the point it where it pisses you off and you wanna chuck a brick through the PC screen.

PULL UP when you hit the lip of the jump dumbass.................I snapped the headtube completely off a BMX bike when I was a kid doing dumb stuff like that.

This rider has got some class.

If I have any female readers.........this will probably piss you off........

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... wedding cake.

And just so things are a little even....................

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn'tknow where to start."
We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys: cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

Amen.

Saw this and thought it was funny..........

Essential additions for the work-place vocabulary.

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.

MOUSE POTATO. The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs. Single,Income,Two,Children,Oppressive,Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed-out and whiny.

XEROX SUBSIDY. Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded administrivia" needless paperwork and
processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found,"meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've
just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

WOOFies. Well Off Older Folk.

CROP DUSTING. Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.

Hmmm, lets see how many type font sizes I can use today.............

Till later.......

I'm PISSED...........

I inquired about the "Take Your Daughters and Sons To Work Day" last night as I was planning on taking our 11 year old to work with me. Our company doesn't support the program at "store level" Which means you can only bring your kid to work if you work in the corporate office.

That seems fair to me.................NOT. It's not like I am a brain surgeon or something where if I'm distracted somebody might die...........I make DONUTS for God sakes. Unless our son went bobbing for apples in the donut fryer, I don't see how he could get hurt. Whatever...............

Had a great ride with our club last night, had about 25 or 30 folks show up. We split up into a couple of groups according to skill level-I helped out with the "B" ride. First time out this year with the single speed- went better then I thought- I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to walk when I went to work last night. One of these days, I'm going to bring the camera along on a ride and take some pics of our local trails.

Somebody e-mailed me and lit my ass up about the picture of the mentally challenged boy in the pic I posted yesterday................get a life, okay? I'm pretty sure no one is forcing you at gunpoint to click on my site. Arguing on the internet or anywhere else for that matter is usually just a waste of time..........which was the point of the picture.

Today's pic won't make fun of mentally challenged people...................

Let's make fun of woman drivers instead.

Let's not make too much fun though, our daughter will be getting her beginner's permit next week.

I'm sorry, but is this guy forking stupid or what? Hell, I'd stay home and collect a paycheck. No problem.

This is some scary shit. I sure hope my kids don't freeze my ass when I go teats up.

My wife went through hell with our second childs pregnancy but there ain't no way in hell would I have let her tie a sting to the boys................


Hats off to this kid.
Somebody at Warner Bros. must be huffing crystal meth.

Think the the next Star Wars movie is gonna suck? I think the last 2 or 3 sucked.


I have to get me one of these. I just love hitting dog turds with my lawnmower.

Till later..............

How much is too much????

Here's an interesting article. Now, if I had lots of money to throw around, would I buy one of those cars? Hell yes I would. Would I be driving it 30,000 miles a year? No-probably 4 or 5 thousand miles, so its effect on the envoirnment would be minimal.


Buy it here.

All I can say about this is I'm glad I didn't go to school with this kid. Damn. SFW video on a NSFW website.

A conference of very strange people.............

We don't have any dogs. Even if we did, I wouldn't let them lick my face because dogs lick their own balls. .........lucky.

Maybe the kid was being a real monster but handcuffs? That's f**ked up.

American cars are pieces of crap? Naw.......After replacing the tranaxle on my Plymouth Voyager last year (less then a year out of warranty) I'll never buy another "American" vehicle.

16 DUI's????? Why the hell wasn't this guy in jail?



Till later..........

Free food........

I saw this article and felt bad for Wendys. Instead of a free Frosty-how come they don't give out some free chili?

Where I work, we give out samples of different sale items for our customers to try throughout the day, when I come to work, I typically pull all the sample baskets off of the counter. I don't do it because I'm a mean bastard-I do it because some of our customers are pigs and I don't have time to keep all the baskets full of stuff.

There is no reason why someone should take 6 or 7 (or more) cookies.......if you know where I work and you see me and you're hungry........just ask me for something to eat and I'll hook you up. I do love giving kids tons of cookies and donut holes whenever they ask-ya gotta have something to look forward to when your parents drag you shopping.

I've been reading alot about DRM lately.

I hope this guy whups their asses. I know it's in France but hopefully Microsoft will grow a set of balls and introduce software for their media player that will allow you to make a copy of any movie you purchase for a back up. You can do it with music CD's, why not movies?

How cool is this? That was something a high school friend and I where going to do the summer we graduated from high school. Unfortunately he was killed in an accident in our senior year but someday I'm gonna make a trip like that and dedicate it to Scottie. I think it's neat that the guy in the article is 60 years old and following his dream..........

Over the weekend our daughter dropped her watch down the bathroom sink drain. I have a spiffy little tool that retrieved it but the elbow was damaged in the process. Didn't discover the damaged elbow until I poured about a gallon of water down the sink. Oops. Guess I get to play plumber. That oughta be interested.

A buddy of mine is having a 6 hour stress test today because they found an anomaly with his heart on his regular check up.His pop passed away at an early age from heart problems. Good luck bro. Not sure what my family history is, I know my grandfather on my dad's side was about 88 the last anyone heard from him and his sister (my great Aunt Helen) is 85. Aunt Helen has lived a very clean life, my grandfather on the other hand was your typical Irish hellraiser.............

I like cats but damn.......... are they ever stupid or what?

I like this idea. The street we live on has the same problem at times. I'd like it if they put some speed bumps in to slow the traffic down. Or maybe spike strips.

Remember the professor I blogged about a couple days ago having his laptop stolen? He was telling a few fibs. Still a shame he had his stuff swiped though.

I suppose one of the reasons I don't like rap music is that I can't understand what the hell any of the artists are saying.

Yeah, like I'm gonna name one of my kids "G-Unit".

I wonder how many of these asshat protesters drove to the protest in SUV's????


Doggie style............

I have to have one of these............

Hey, how come Jesus looks like a white guy?

Holy shit, Delay scares me.

This guy is an asshole. I'm proud to live in the same state with him. Oh yeah.

Sorry about no "bike stuff" in this post..........

Till later.

Just shut me up............

Yeah, yeah..........Just shut me up about podcasting already.

Anyone here remember or know who Jean Sheperd was? There is this awesome podcast with quite a few of his old WOR recordings on it. Here is the link of the RSS feed you can plug into iPodder to download the feeds. If you've never listened to him-do yourself a favor and listen to a couple of his shows.

He was a master storyteller.

Somebody emailed me and thought I should be talking more about bikes. I happen to know this person and all I can say is...........bite me.

Bite me in a nice way though, ya know? Sorry I don't spend a shitload of time writing about bikes-I'll try to do better. So many other bloggers (check my "links" section) do such a great job writing about their experiences riding, I thought I would put up content that's a little different.

Checked out the weather forecast for the weekend and it is shit. I'm glad I signed up for overtime.

The only bad thing is that the kid's ride our club had scheduled is likely to be cancelled. If there is one kind of ride our club does that I totally enjoy-it's riding with kids.

Most of the kids in our area probably are not allowed out of their parents sight, so when Mom or Dad come out to a kid's ride with their kids- the kids totally love being out in the woods. No cars and you are allowed to get dirty.

How cool is that when you're 10 years old?

I always bring a huge box of assorted donuts for the kids, their parents and the ride leaders to eat after the ride so nobody goes home hungry.

Mmmmm ................donuts.

Till later.

Use the pink smoke next time.............

I was listening to the Catholic Insider last night when Father Roderick(the host of the podcast) was at the Vatican right before they elected the new Pope. Everyone was having a hard time telling what was white smoke or black smoke.

I thought maybe next time they elect a Pope-they use pink smoke when the elect the next Pope and green smoke when they can't make their minds up. Or maybe they could use a flare gun............or not.

One thing I have discovered since I've been listening to podcasts is that commercial radio sucks.

Nice. They still suck.

I haven't seen this show for quite awhile. Gosh, it would be a shame if it was rigged, huh? Add sarcasm here.

The American Meat Intsitute is pissed. I'm kinda worried because I love hot dogs.

This is today's "Oh That's Just Nasty" link...........

Sure, the Pope really gives a shit what the Baptists think.

Looks like a crack to me. I guess I shouldn't worry about needing any warm clothing when I die, huh?

This commercial is awesome. I suppose that's why sneakers are so damn expensive.

If I was this kid, I'd be scared shitless. I'd also give the computer back.

You might be a redneck if.............

This dog can kick your ass. Wow, that sure is one focused dog. Sure hate to run into that dog unleashed when I'm out mountain biking.

Till later..........

How to wax your ass............

How To Do Stuff is a really good podcast. It's a husband and wife and one of the funniest episodes I've downloaded is the one where the wife uses bikini wax to pull all the hair off of her husband's ass. If the guys screaming was any indication of how badly it hurt-I couldn't imagine having my pubes done.


No reason for the pic, I saw it on a fellow bloggers site and liked it.

You wanna see some bizarre automobiles? I thought the Tempo I used to own was ugly.................

Catholic Spring Break. Oh, by the way.......don't click that if you're Catholic. Definitely don't click this one either. This one will send you over the edge if you're Catholic, so don't click on it for sure.

Anybody that reads this blog interested in doing this? I think it's a good idea.

Haven't had time to post much lately mainly because I've been lazy. I will be training a newly promoted co-worker next week and I doubt I'll be posting much next week either.

I'm married. Quite happily in fact. If I was single..........Wal-Mart would be the last forkin' place I would look for a date. I'm not dropping my card into anyone's box.

Penis roller coaster. Go ahead and click on it, it's safe for work. Honest. Penis Wheelbarrow. Also safe for work. No, honest-it's okay........my 17 year old daughter reads this.

Oh yeah, I'm feeling a whole lot better about being a fat bastard now.

I spent a summer surfing and hanging out at the Jersey shore when I was a kid. If this would have happened to me...............I'm pretty sure I would have been too scared to try my luck a second time.

New bike stuff. I like this website because I like that style of riding but about 99% is beyond my capabilities. My fav bike of the article-the quad racing chair for paraplegics. That thing is cool and you just gotta have a set to strap on something like that and ride it down a downhill course.


Gotta go..........till later.

Hamilton suspended......

Wow.

I really want to hear his side of the story but it sure is a large disappointment. If the guy was cheating all along (and it sure looks like he was) I wonder what the hell he was thinking by dragging this whole thing out for so long.

I'm sure that everybody has seen the announcement that Armstrong is retiring. Like him or not-he certainly raised awareness of cycling here in the USA. And won the Tour 6 times..........so far:-)

I remember all these games. I used to have a part time job in an arcade and got to play them all for free after closing time.

I just a bought a poker game for our computer so our 11 year and I can play Texas Hold'em. Don't know how my son is doing but I suck really bad. At least real money isn't involved.

Went for the first ride of the year on my single speed yesterday. Oh my God, do my knees ever feel the pain. Pretty sure it isn't going to stop me-the thing is just too much damn fun. No front suspension- it handles like a big overgrown BMX bike. I pulled an x-up coming out of a roller-felt like a little kid. Couldn't believe that I didn't crash.

Our club has their beginner rides on Monday's now- kinda bummed because I'm going to miss about 90% of them. It's the only time I can keep up with the entire group and still hold a conversation at the same time.

This is a cool card trick. SFW video on a NSFW website. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell he did that. I used to own a trick deck of cards but I could only do 2 sets of different cards.



That's all for today-till later..........

Easy Rider..........

Rode my chopper around some yesterday....

Visited my parents and a couple of friends. Some older guy on an English type 3 speed thought it was way cool. I offered to let him take a spin but he thought he might crash it. One of my neighbors has a real chopper and he said mine handles evil.

A fellow blogger is putting up pics of his readers bikes, I sent him one of the chopper parked in front of a bunch of skids behind the local K-Mart. Real artsy stuff :-) It's even in black and white.

Smoke? This commercial might open your eyes...........

I can't tell you how much this pisses me off.

Wow, this is one butt-ugly car. Why do they have to make concept cars so weird looking? Jeez, if it looked like a minivan or something useful-I might consider buying one someday.

I don't fly very often, in fact the last time I flew was 18 years ago when Janet and I visited her grandfather in Florida. I saw this site and I'm kinda glad I don't have to fly often. Here's my favorite.

Not sure when I'll ever fly again, Florida was a nice place to visit but it was hot even in January. We still enjoyed the trip, we think that's were we conceived our daughter :-)

My wife and I were shopping over the weekend and while we were at Wal-Mart, Janet made the remark "Did we just get dropped off on another planet?" Now I'm not the most handsome guy in the world but at least I think we dress appropriately when we go out in public. I'd love to take a mirror with me and whip it out to show the next woman I see that's 50 pounds overweight that a belly shirt is not a good idea. Hey, if you're that fat-dress like your fat. Nobody needs to see that much skin where there shouldn't be skin.

I'm not sure what has happened to society in the past 20 years but people drive, shop, eat and talk like heathens. It never used to be that way, I wonder what the hell happened? Whenever someone is polite, it's the exception and not the rule anymore.

What about people's kids? Holy Mother of God, the next time I see packs of 7 year olds roaming the aisles of Wal-Mart without ther parents-I'm gonna call Children's Services. I swear if I worked at a place like Wal-Mart, I'd probably end up getting fired for macing the little assholes. Oops-I guess I'd be acting like a heathen if I did that:-)

It doesn't help that the Wal-Mart we live near is the #1 store in the chain-the place is packed 24/7. You almost need a golf cart to go shopping there-it is over 200,000 square feet. It's HUGE. Please don't light my ass up about shopping there, half the shit you buy anywhere in the USA is made in China now.

As I write this, one of my yuppie neighbors is out jogging. You would think they would actually go somewhere. Nope. She jogs around our block 20 or 30 times. That's like putting your stationary bike outside and riding it.

We live in a fairly nice area (near the golf course) most of the houses are in the $150-200,000 area- a neighbor has had their house up for sale for the past couple months, we were wondering why it hasn't sold yet. We found out why yesterday. They are asking 260,000 dollars for it! The way we figure it, that's about 70 or 80 thousand dollars too much. I'm just wonder how they came up with such a high price. I'd be cool if it sold for that-the value of our humble abode would go up.

Till later...................I hope I didn't piss anybody off. But I'm sure I did.

I like Mike....................NOT.

My lovely wife and I finished up all our yardwork on our front yard-looks nice if I say so myself. Since our backyard is all tree-not much grows back there so that's a lot easier to take care off.

I have one of those "Wal-Mart" lawn mowers and I store it under our rear deck all winter. I never clean it, I owned it for 3 years and it starts on the first pull everytime.........maybe I oughta change the oil soon, it has the original oil still in it.

Our next door neighbor has one of those really nice Toros......he washes it down everytime he uses it and even waxes it. Mines a little dirty.

I like this site. Haven't browsed through all the articles yet but it looks interesting.

I love people like this. I deal with soccer moms like this at work. Shoot me. Please.

Yuck, this is just flat out nasty.

I need a couple of these kits for my chopper.

Nice mullet dude.

Pay your taxes like the rest of us, asshole.

Can you believe this bimbo? Oh, yeah-gimme another cocktail. Might be a NSFW website-I can't tell, my software blocks all the banner ads.

Watch the dog in the background.

The next "big" thing from Santa Cruz. I like it but I also like the simplicity of my disc singlespeeder. Would I buy one if I had the money? Yeah, probably.........

Hamilton decision expected on Monday. Finally. If he's guilty-shame on him. If he is innocent-he oughta get an apology from somebody for putting a black mark on his career. It's no secret that I am a big fan of his-I hope this is all over with one way or the other Monday.

Sure, it's just a concept car but man, is it ever butt-ugly.

This could be a bike that out of shape Americans could ride when gas for their SUV is 5 bucks a gallon and this is the bike I'd like to ride back and forth to work. Overkill, eh?

Till later............

Yardwork.......

I wonder what the speed limit is on our local trails. I bet it's lower then 130 mph.

Here's some kid's books that never made it to the printer. Oh, if you don't have a sense a humor.............Nah, I really don't need to tell you anything you don't know already.

Gonna be spending some quality time out in the yard this weekend redoing some flower beds and trimming all the shrubs and whatnot. I'd take some before pics but our daughter borrowed the digital camera and is away all weekend.

I enjoy spending time outside making the yard look pretty but I'm not obsessive about it. I have no problem blowing off the yardwork if a good ride comes up. It's just grass-it will still be there the next day. The only thing that pisses me off are all the folks that walk their dogs and think it's okay for Rover to take a piss in my yard. Call me unsociable, but a "Hey ASSHOLE-get your dog out of my yard" usually does the trick.

I have one neighbor that hasn't talked to me for 2 years. I'm okay with that-as long as they keep their tiny little wanker dog out of my front yard.

Sue me, sometimes I'm a dick.

Till later............

Hell yes, I'm smart.

I was riding the other day with a guy that loves to talk. I mean the dude talks 24/7.....He never shuts the hell up.

Ever.

I'm not sure how he got on the subject of IQ but some people think that when they are smart, they are almost always obligated to share that information with everyone in earshot. After awhile he told me this his IQ was 138. And then asked me if I thought that was good and was I ever tested for my IQ. I replied that 138 was good and my IQ was somewhat higher then that.

I shoulda just said I didn't know what my IQ was because he wouldn't stop after that. I'm bringing my IPod with me next time he shows up for a ride.

It's about time. Arkansas can't be far behind. If you're reading this and you are from West By-God Virginia and you're offended.........I'm sorry. No, that's a lie. I guess I'm not really sorry..............sorry for not being sorry.

Just in case anyone forgot. ........."Mission Accomplished" my ass.

I wonder if golfers get a hard-on for golf equipment like I do when I see new bikes and bike candy.

I think golfers and bikers have some things in common. We both wear some extremely gay looking clothing when we are out doing our sport that can't be worn anywhere else but the golf course or riding a bike.

Ever see a golfer wearing those funny looking pants and brightly colored shirts when they are not at a golf course? Hell, no you don't-because they look fucking stupid.

Same thing goes for cyclists. I have a couple pairs of those spandex cycling shorts, but I usually only wear them when I am doing long bike rides.....other then that-I stick to the baggy style of bike shorts.

I have to go to my LBS soon to buy some tickets for a raffle and everytime I go there I'm like a junkie that needs to shoot up. Lord help me if I ever come into a shitload of money.

I did meet up with a couple buddies on Wednesday night that I haven't seen all winter, they had lost a shitload of weight. Good for them-bad for me. I always like it at the start of a social ride when everybody says how much they suck or how slow they are due to not riding, injury or whatever.

As soon as the ride starts......BOOM-they are off the front and you don't see them until the ride is over and everybody is back in the parking lot. I believe in truth-in-advertising. You'll never hear me say I suck and then blow everybody's doors off because when I say I suck........... I really mean it.

Till later.............

Everything and nothing today.............

This link doesn't really fit in with anything but it's Mr T and as we all know.........Mr T rules the universe. I kinda think he looks cute in those "Tom Selleck" shorts............

THIS is how to dispose of a Christmas tree. Oh my.

Somebody oughta tell this guy that the steel a bicycle is made of does the same thing. I haven't been abducted for years.

Dude, this is so totally awesome. Gimme a break,huh?

Oh wow, here a news flash. I have a good job and I am at the top of my pay scale where I work, but I think I've been losing the battle earlier then just this year.

If I lived in Idaho..........hell, I'd vote for it.

Looking forward to hosting some more beginners at our club ride tonight, I'll try and let ya'll know how it went. I think I have just as much fun as the kids do. No, check that-I definitely have as much fun as they do.

Noooooooo shit. Boy that's a shocker.

Heard about this on one of the bike related podcasts I was listening to at work last night. Not too sure how something like that would go over in the town I live in.

Most folks around here treat bicycles as toys and lawnmowers as tools. I look at it exactly opposite. Most folks in our neighborhood fertilize their lawns when they should be fertilizing their minds.

Know what I mean?

Till later..........

I have to share..............

A friend sent me this e-mail and I'd like to share it with ya'll..............................

Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's what mine says:

* In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my hellish semiexistence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.

* I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their bank accounts.

* I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she w! aited less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a semblance of a normal life.

* I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots from around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives by investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a well.

* I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.

* I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients and families whose stories are sadder than my own.

* I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree with them.

* I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the Florida Legislature to ig! nore me for more than a decade and then turn my case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.

* I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors, ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby," as if they had known me since childhood.

* I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without adequate health coverage.

* Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress - especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national security and the economy.

* In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.

* And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.

* I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should have remained private.

* Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is always best "to err on the side of life."

* I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at the last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because nothing bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.

* And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the aforementioned directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any position to argue.


Does that hit the nail right on the forking head or what?

You might not agree with the above but it works for me...........

Moving on........

I plan to help lead some beginner rides for our club this year. I totally dig riding with new riders, kids or whoever isn't 100% sure of their abilities. It is so neat to watch folks get the bug like I did years ago.

It's hard to be in a bad mood when you're riding a bike.

Till later..................

More about podcasting and bike pics............

I'm not 100% proficient at the whole podcasting thing yet but there sure are lots of interesting topics out there to download. I found about 6 or 7 that concerning bicyling and advocacy-it will be fun to give them a listen at work.

I think my favorite one will be "Head Up Your Ass Headlines", of course this one has nothing to do with bikes, just 2 guys that find really weird news items. Another podcast is titled "5 Speed Cassette- it has bikes, F1, and WRC rally cars as the subjects of disscussion. I think I'm gonna kiss that guy right on the lips.............those are my favorite "non-bike" subjects of interest.

Sunday's weather was perfect for a bike ride at the local park. I used to do almost all of my rides solo a couple years ago-now the ratio of solo rides to group rides is 180 degrees different. I just enjoy the social aspect of riding about as much as the riding.

I guess that's why I failed miserably at riding my trainer this winter- it just wasn't fun. It's so much more enjoyable to head out for a ride with a bunch of friends. Sure, not evevrybody is the same skill level (I'm one of the slower guys) but it's still a great way to spend a couple hours recharging my mental batteries.

I bet Hincapie is a bit less then happy right about now. He is one of my favorite riders, I sure hope he wins one before he retires. Nobody trains harder. Even Lance.

Here's a picture gallery of all of my bikes. Bury me with my Surly please..........right after I do this. WTF?

Till later...............

Podcasting.............

I really like podcasting. Not sure if ya'll have any experience with it-but it's pretty cool. You can download all kinds of stuff like radio broadcasts, talk shows and all kinds of stuff. Way cool. There's even bike related podcasts!

I'm not a technology expert but if you have I Tunes and an Ipod it's really easy. Shucks, if I can figure it out-anybody can.

I'm off tommorrow-I have more stuff then.

22 years and counting.........

My wife and I have been married 22 years today. Woo hoo!!! She is the love of my life and I am one lucky guy.

Enough of the mushy stuff...................

Technology makes me nervous sometimes. I had one of the first flash based MP3 players out a couple of years ago and it lasted about a week before it refused to turn on. The second one I bought was a little better but still had it's bugs. After a few firmware updates, it works pretty good.

I installed all the IPod software and much to my amazement-everything worked just like it's supposed to. Amazing. I bought the 4 gig version and it seems like it's gonna be plenty big enough for me. I have all of my songs on it and it still isn't 1/2 full. Good stuff.

Damn, it was nice out yesterday. I spent some of it getting my ass kicked playing one-on-one basketball with our 11 year old. The kid has fast hands. And I have 80 year old knees.




Kinda scary, huh?

Sometimes.........

I work in a retail grocery store overnight making donuts, breads,rolls, pastries etc.... As such, I have limited contact with the general public because most everybody is sleeping when I'm working. Most of the folks that shop late at night are either shift workers, students from the local colleges, drunks looking for something to eat and another category.........extremely stupid people. I'm not sure why the dolt percentage goes way up after twelve at night but boy, it sure does where I work at.

Last night I had a lovely couple fresh out of rehab that mighta had a set of teeth between them........... shopping for..........a wedding cake. Yes, they needed a wedding cake for later today. Mmmmm, nothing like waiting to the last minute. I felt bad that I couldn't help them.

No, wait.......that's a lie........What I really wanted to do was suggest a dozen donuts and some Spaghetti-O's instead of a wedding cake but I thought they might have taken offence. Assholes.

I should get my new camera later today and I changed my mind about getting an Ipod-that's on the way as well. Now, I'm broke-I need to save up for another bike all over again.

It's officially riding season.

More then likely, you'll see a lot less posts on here. Sorry.

I'll be switching my hours at work around some so I'll have less time in the morning to screw around with the computer and more time to ride in the afternoon and evening. Having said that, I'll probably sleep all day today as I've been up for about 36 hours. Too bad for me-it's supposed to be 75 degrees.

For some reason, I am employee of the quarter where I work. Not sure what that entitles me too, maybe a free dozen donuts or something.

Saw this .............Sergeant First Class Paul Ray Smith

..........not much else to add, is there?

Peter Jenning has lung cancer. Smoking will do that. I smoked for 20 years. I quit 5 years ago when I was 40. I sure hope it was soon enough, it's something I think about every day.

OMG, this guy is "Father of the Year".................. what a dolt.

OMG part II ......This can't possibly be real, can it? Like anyone really gives a shit.

I love our governor, he always looks like he's drunk.

He probably is in this picture.

Looks like it's time to sell a kidney.

It would be so cool if George could pull off a win this weekend.

Tom DeLay is a sleazeball. (The link goes to the NY Times-registration is required to read articles) I suppose most politicians are politicans because they can't hold down a real job.

Mmmmm, this link makes me hungry........

Till later.

First club ride of the year.......

Had an awesome ride. Best rider I saw was about 11 or 12 years old- some young guy by the name of Scott. He was way into it. I think he was picking better lines then me. I mighta rode 8 miles total but it was a fun 8 miles.

Time for some zzzzzzz's

The Pope died.................

I'm sure that's not news to anybody, but I thought I'd at least mention it.

This entry is gonna go all over the place with no rhyme or reason, so hang on.

Here on the East Coast, we have had more then our fair share of rain the past few days. Our first local club ride of the year is this Monday night. I have a feeling that it might be cancelled due to all the mud that's probably gonna be out on the trails.

Bummer.

I think if we tiptoe on our way out of Iraq-they might not notice we left.

I've never been to England, but this looks like a damn fun trail. Anytime you can take a chunk out of a downhill tire-it's a fun day.

I'm getting real tired of this shit. Nobody buys the bullshit excuses anymore.
Anybody out there hear anything about Tyler Hamilton? He seems to have fallen off the face of the earth.

Here's a site done by a local rider. These are the trails I ride. Pretty cool site and pretty cool trails since I helped build some of them.

This is way too much information for anybody. Some of those folks oughta take an afternoon off and go for a bike ride. What the hell is "macroeconomic tinder"? Get a freakin' grip, huh?

Here's a news flash-American car makers are sucking hind teat. Since most "foreign" cars are made right here in the USA, it can't be the fault of the folks puttin' them together.

I'm not much for basketball, but Opening Day is Sunday!!! Yea. Go Orioles.

The Sierra Club does good work, but this time I think the judge made the right decision.

If you're a guy-you might end up shaving your feet, but it'll be worth it.

This makes it worse for all of us.

The station I go to has video cameras all over the place to keep everybody honest.

Did you turn your clock ahead? I think the whole thing sucks, as I am usually working when it happens and I have an hour less to get the same stuff done.

This site is kinda nerdy, but I like it. Some of the stuff is over my head but then again-that's true with lots of things.

This is kind of addicting. I was playing for about 10 minutes so far. I suck. But not as much as this does.

If I was as bad at making donuts as this guy is at sportscasting- I'd probably be selling vacuum cleaners door to door for a living.

There are 176 farts on the entire internet. I know, I looked.

Question for anybody that knows anything about Ipods.......Is 195 bucks for a 4gig IPod a good deal?

I don't know much about the IPod's does Apple make you buy another 100 bucks worth of accessories to make the thing work?

Till later..........

Roll me out the door.............

My lovely wife had gift certificates to OutBack Steakhouse and treated for dinner last night.

I kinda felt like the Outback Blimp by the time I was done eating and I know our kids and Janet did as well. I've never eaten there before and I was really impressed by the quality of the food, the serving sizes are freakin' ENORMOUS.

I had a small steak and was the only person to even come close to eating their whole dinner. The rest of the family has enough food to eat for the remainder of the weekend. One thing-the place ain't cheap. 4 dinners, 2 appetizers, 4 non-alcoholic drinks+tip just about smoked the 100 dollar gift cert my wife had. How anybody could possibly eat dessert, I'm not sure...................

Are they making teenagers taller nowadays? I met the 14 year old daughter of a co-worker last night and positively stunned to find out she was only 14. She could have easily passed for 18 or 19............maybe I'm just getting old.

Mail order electronic places can save you a boatload of money.......

I just bought this camera, a mini tripod, a 256 meg memory card, a 4 battery (includes 4 batteries) charger and a carry case for about the same price just the camera alone cost to buy in a retail store. Smokin' deal. I like the camera because it's tiny, easily fits in the palm of your hand and has a huge 2.5 inch LCD screen. It's my Father's Day-Birthday-Christmas present.

This guy is really turning out to be a jackass. I already have to wait until I turn 67 to get full benefits, what else can this boob screw up? Let's get the troops the hell out of harm's way in Iraq before we screw up more stuff.

Remember "Err on the side of life" ? I don't think Shrub is gettin' the big picture. If you are a G.W. fan-that's cool, I just feel he could be doing a better job without a lot of effort on his part.

Holy crap-something like 80 people a day read my blog.

I'm not that funny. I am an asshole from time to time though.

Had an interesting discussion with a co-worker...........If you could travel back or ahaed in time, where and when would you go? Me? I'd travel ahead to the next huge Powerball drawing and get the numbers. Done deal.

The "What the hell does this link have to do with anything?" link.............pretty smart dude, wouldn't ya say?

If you can't find nifty computer wallpaper or learn something on this site, ..........you really need to get out more.

This site is fun as long as you use the "play money" option. I don't have enough balls (or money) to use real money.

Break her legs and let her keep the damn trophy.

Till later.

RIP Terry............

Terry Schiavo finally passes away. Rest in Peace. Everybody has an opinion as to what should have been done. Know what? None of them matter now. Maybe her family can get along now. I kind of doubt it reading this though. Whatever, they all have to stay here-at least Terry is in a better place.

Maybe George Bush can "Err on the side of life" over in Iraq now. What an asshole we have for a president.

The Pope ain't doing so hot either. I'm not Catholic but it really sucks to see someone who was so full of life at one time have to suffer so much. Sometimes life ain't fair.

Reading this makes me thankful for driving a 5 year old minivan with any remotes or fancy anti-theft features. You wanna steal it? Go ahead, here's the keys.

Color photographs from World War 1.

Till later.............