Friday, December 03, 2004

I'd drive 50 miles for a donut...............

I had a nice compliment from an elderly couple last night. They said I make the best donuts they've ever had.

These folks drive the whole way from Baltimore once a week just to buy the donuts I make every night. I've had several job offers from Baltimore area shops to run their bakeries, but who wants to drive 100 miles a day and work 10 to 12 hours a day to boot. Not me. Even at double the money.

I'm such a slacker-I love my free time.

The price of fun is going through the roof. Ever equate stuff like dinner out or a day at an amusment park to an equivalent of what you could buy in bike parts for the same money?

Trip to Disney for a family of four equals nice shiny new bike. Is that awful to think like that or what? Disney is one week- A bike like the Pugsley is forever.

When you are 45, forever is about 20 years give or take.............

Canadian kids have all the fun.

This is interesting. I went to school with a guy that had this and it always seemed to manifest itself during quiet moments in class. For example, I can remember taking a bio exam, it was really quiet and out of the blue Joe said "F**K .......F**K............ F**KING FROGSImage Hosted by
Everybody in the class busted up including Joe after he had a moment to reflect on what he said. The test was about frog dissection and I guess it got the best of him.

I'm so glad my new phone doesn't have a camera.

It's not always easy making fun of other peoples stupidity, but in this case-I'm okay with it.

Could this be the next "big thing"?

God, I hope not. We already have some retard that terrorizes our neighbhorhood with a motorized scooter. When that asshole comes screaming down my street, I wanna just sit on the front porch and pick him off with my BB gun. I like my piece and quiet.

I wonder if this is what Bush has in mind........
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Oh my.

Saw this on today..........................thought I'd share.

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?You know we have more prescription drugs now.

Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is...
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.The schools now... It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.

Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grow on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just..."
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.

Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.

Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.

You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them." We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.

People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.

People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

One last link before I go, way cool online bike zine.

That's all for today folks............

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